Yearning for a home.
My sister, who has always been quite the adventurer and BOSS, recently traveled to Poland for a mission trip. While she was there, she sent me a beautiful image of the countryside. Seeing the rolling hills and green fields, I couldn't help but feel a strong yearning and connection to this land. It is the land of my immediate ancestors. This image struck within me once again, the deep yearning for a home.
As a first generation child living in the United States, I often find myself navigating a complex array of emotions regarding my dual-identity. Despite this internal struggle, I try to embrace both sides of my identity and appreciate the unique perspective it gives me. I hope to one day visit Poland again and experience the beauty of the land and the warmth of its people from a deeper understanding of the importance of my heritage and culture.
Dual-identity
“Beneath the Veil lay right and wrong, vengeance and love, and sometimes throwing aside the veil, a soul of sweet Beauty and Truth stood revealed.”
-Du Bois
In this day and age, the concept of self-identity has become increasingly complex. This complexity is further magnified when one is born in one country to foreign parents, and it becomes a challenge to solidify one's identity. As a result, the journey of self-discovery becomes a lifelong process.
Growing up, I always felt like an extension of my family, a translator lost in time. I was one way with my family and a completely different person with my non-familial connections in the U.S. The sense of duality became a part of my life, and it often felt like I was a shapeshifter, adapting to my surroundings.
I never felt a strong sense of attachment to a location, and I always imagined myself living in new places for a little while. This desire to explore and experience new cultures was fueled by my dual-identity, and it made me feel like I was always on the move. Even though this sense of duality made me feel expendable, it also allowed me to open my mind to new experiences and perspectives.
As I continue my studies in University, I am learning more about the complexities of self-identity, and I realize that my journey of self-discovery is far from over. I believe that through this journey, I will uncover a soul of sweet beauty and truth that lies beneath the veil of duality.
Flexibility
Another aspect that dual-identity challenges my growth as a spiritual being is through flexibility. While being adaptable is a strength, it can also be a challenge. I have learned that things are constantly changing, and while some plans work out well, more often than not, they go awry, and I have to pivot. This year has been particularly difficult for me as I am learning more about who I am as an individual and working towards creating a life that brings me peace. It has been quite a journey, with its ups and downs, and it has taught me the importance of being flexible and open to change.
Furthermore, I have come to realize that this journey of self-discovery and growth is not always easy. There are times when it feels like everything is falling apart, and I am reminded of the tarot card known as "The Tower." This archetype is strongly relevant in this era of my life, as things that I have worked on for so long - relationships, career moves, and more - seem to be crumbling around me. But through flexibility, I have learned that things are always shifting and evolving. I must be strong enough to admit when something is no longer what I want or what suits me. This is a challenging but essential part of the growth process.
In the end, I truly believe that the best is yet to come. I have faith that things are always working out in my favor, even when it may not seem that way. I am grateful for this journey, and I know that I will emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side.
Onward
The journey of self-discovery as a person with a dual-identity is complex and ongoing. It can be challenging to navigate at times, but it also provides a unique perspective and the opportunity for growth. Through flexibility and an openness to change, we can emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side. As we continue to explore and appreciate both sides of our identity, we can find a sense of peace and fulfillment.