Healing is inherently selfish and selfless. A father’s day special.

Healing is inherently selfish and selfless. A father’s day special.

I write this from a quaint little coffee shop across the street from a renovated barn that is now an antique shop. I have been thinking lately about how — during the healing process, whether it is emotional, physical, or spiritual, isolation and selfish behavior plays a key role. Wether the outlook is positive or negative, one can also argue that it is necessary.

“I need my space” — is this isolation or a self-proclaimed and protective healing bubble?

This is not unique to humans, as cats, for example, tend to isolate themselves when they are sick or injured, snakes hide when they shed their skin. And while community is important, there are a lot of things that we deal with internally that simply other people cannot help us with.

My grandfather and I chilling on the balcony surrounded by ivy and flowers.

Father’s Day

My dad was just diagnosed with cancer. It is not up to me to disclose what kind, as for even as a family we do not share many intimate details of doctors visits and procedures, but I am relieved to say it is in the early stage and pretty treatable. My dad lives by the beach and I live up in the foothills of the Catskill mountains. He asked that we get together after his treatments towards the end of the summer. And yet, I cannot help but feel some sort of longing to connect. Maybe because it is fathers day this weekend, maybe because I am longing to repair and make amends as he ages and I get more distance from who he was when I was growing up.

Anyway, his decision to retreat into self-isolation opened up my eyes to something my friend and I were messaging about the other day… She said,

[During healing it’s wild how] seemingly selfish you have to be during the process. And how that “selfishness” is going to impact every part of your life — [in] good ways and hard ways.

Wildfires from afar, smoke fills the local air.

Since my social media detox, I have been texting more. First, it was just me. A person would pop into my mind and I would shoot them a message. And then I was getting messages from people, I guess I was popping into their heads at that point…

Long winded explanation short, I was texting with a human I met at a camping trip last summer. I find her interesting and aimable. We were chatting about the Canadian wildfires, but I think only because it was affecting our region. A few days ago, New York was covered in smoke for about 48 hours. I was receiving stunning sepia toned non-filtered images from family and friends down in the city all day.

We got into a conversation about how climate change is affecting everyone. I told her, I am sad for the world as a whole. Sad for the youth who have to inherit the earth. Sadness permeates my every being when I think about the future and if we can make it better for our children. The sadness I feel is for the current aging adults stepping into leadership positions and not working on being of benefit for all beings. Instead we value prosperity from greed and corruption. Instead profit is the focus and goal.

I would hope that the intent to father children into this world is pure, honest, and filled with promises for a better world. I would hope that our children are treated fairly and get the nurturing and fathering they need to grow into healthy adults. We a cyclical beings, and with that we make decisions for many different seasons instead of being focused on one linear goal.

Thank you for fathering.

This father’s day I am struggling to find the words to say to fathers in my life. A father figure is supposed to lift you up, supposed to be protective, and supportive, and encouraging. There have been many father figures in my life, apart from my own. So this father’s day, all I feel called to say is just a simple thank you to the good ones out there. This father’s day I call back the courage to make amends with my father, because life is too short and moments are fleeting. A simple father’s day card in the mail should do the trick.